Sex in marriage is a topic that’s rarely discussed. It’s a topic that we think should be discussed only in the privacy of our home. But the problem with that is what if no one is talking? What if no one is having those transparent conversations about sex in marriage and needs go unmet. The conversation then gets contaminated by our own thoughts and beliefs because we don’t understand what God says about sex in marriage and we allow unspoken or even unmet expectations build a wedge into our marital sex life.
So my question today is not about what you are doing in your bedroom (that’s between you and your hubby). My question to you is, do you understand the importance of why marital sex is just as important as the other areas in your marriage (taking care of the kids, going to school, cleaning the house)?
More often than not, we shy away from this subject. But the Word says everything that God created, even marital sex, is good.
When our kids were in elementary school my husband and I had a huge blow up about this very thing- what was not happening in our bedroom and why it wasn’t happening more frequently. In my mind, I thought, what’s wrong with this man, doesn’t he understand that I work full time, take care of the kids, cook dinner, take care of the house and oh- go to school full time? Now, how does he think I could meet his sexual needs – ALL THE TIME? I felt like all he thought about was sex. Listen! I was tired!!! I couldn’t concentrate on sex when my mind was bogged down with trying to do everything else. I tried to rationalize why I wasn’t meeting his needs instead of trying to figure out how can I meet his needs. Back then, I never took the time to understand why sex was important and I used my selfish desire as an excuse for me not to care. “It was my body, so I really didn’t have to answer to him.” Right? Wrong. 1 Cor. 7:4, says your body belongs to him and likewise his body belongs to you. So I learned over the years how to put sex as a priority in my marriage even while juggling life, other commitments and demands.
Making sex a priority in marriage is so important. It’s just like I tell women that I mentor, you do what you want to do and if you want it bad enough then you’d be willing to make the necessary changes to ensure your marriage is as healthy as it can be. So here are seven ways to make sex a priority in your marriage...
Clear your plate. Sis, you are doing too much! As women, we are so concerned with taking care of everyone else and we forget that we also have needs. Removing or rearranging some of the things on your plate will not only give your mind time to breathe but it will also increase your energy.
Get off of social media. Listen. I am guilty of this! I’m sure we all can relate. When we have a few minutes to breathe or relax, we pick up our phones and start scrolling and before you know it we’ve spent over an hour on our phone. Instead, we should have used this time to be more intentional about building sexual intensity that is vital to a healthy marriage.
Don’t see sex as a chore. If you see it as a chore, it will feel like one. Change your mindset about sex. It can strengthen your relationship with your husband as you grow towards oneness. Remember, you do have a sexual side.
Be intentional. Put it on your calendar. Sounds strange? Just like you schedule everything else it’s perfectly ok to set aside time for sex with your husband. It’s an important appointment.
The shoe is on the other foot. It’s your husband that doesn’t have the time or is not interested in sex. If that’s the case, be empathetic. Find out what’s going on. Be sensitive to his needs.
Take the initiative to pursue him. Read Songs of Solomon. This is a great love story where she pursued her beloved. I know this may go against what we think, “If he wants me then he needs to pursue me.” Remember, he wants to be desired just as much as you do.
Talk about and set expectations. My husband told a story during one of our enrichment sessions. He said, “Prior to marriage he expected endless sex.” His expectation not mine. Yes, I had it on my list but towards the bottom. We didn’t discuss our sexual expectations until later in our marriage. It’s vital in marriage to discuss expectations.
Listen! I get it! This may not be for everyone. There are different seasons in marriage and this area in your marriage could be impacted by the season you are in. There are certain conditions that could limit your sexual ability with your husband, but you can be creative. You can still create those moments where you are connecting intimately with your husband.
It’s important to nurture sexual intimacy in marriage. It builds oneness in marriage and align your vision to what God says about marriage. Sex is not everything in marriage but it’s an important part. Gen 2:24 And the two shall become one.
By the way, I would love for you to join the 7 Day Please Me Love Challenge beginning May 19th. For more information, go to www.herdopemarriage.com and join the mailing list to receive more information about the challenge.